my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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