I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
pop tarts are not kleenex
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
