i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
