I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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