Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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