I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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