you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
