First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
