my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
