I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
