I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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