I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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