i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
