So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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