hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
