I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
