I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
