I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
