Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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