As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
