You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
