It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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