sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
