the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Church boner. Awkwardddd
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
