The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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