I can text with my tongue
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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