I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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