we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
