Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
