so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
