i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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