shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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