Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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