dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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