so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
