so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
