She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I cockslap morals
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize