To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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