If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
