We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
