i don't like sucking hair
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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