break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
