so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
