just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
