took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
