he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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