I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
