i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
