Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
