About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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