Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
