a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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