I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
