Your face is a jimmy john
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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